Once Upon a Time the AAMPA Honored the Year's Best Films...

Top to bottom: Milk (Sean Penn), Slumdog Millionaire (Dev Patel, Freida Pinto), Wall-E, Waltz With Bashir, Frozen River (Misty Upham and Melissa Leo).

Let's talk Oscars for a second here folks.

If the Academy were really honoring the greatest films of the year as they have in the past for the most part, at least in recent years, then why are The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Reader, and Frost/Nixon nominated? Yes, yes - I understand that each represents one of the typical Oscar archetypes: the romantically epic all-American dramedy (think Forrest Gump), the polarizing drama revolving around a significant historical event (most often the Holocaust), and the biopic masquerading as a character study (i.e. Capote - though, to be fair, that film is actually legitimately incredible). HOWEVER, these films each demand so much more. They all lack in substance. Cheap replicas of better films that came before them. All demanding award ceremony attention, none qualifying for it.

If the greatest films of the year were truly being acknowledged there would be a far different batch being honored at this year's event. Hell, even The Dark Knight deserved a nomination more than Benjamin Button. In honor of those films that were not recognized as they rightfully should have been, The Culture Cult would like to set forth its pseudo-Oscar Best Picture nominations in the interest of preserving what little integrity the film industry has left.

Let's say for a minute that Cult Cultural had its way and our nominations held real clout. If this were so, these would be the films contending for those 5 holy spots:

1. Milk

2. Slumdog Millionaire

3. Wall-E

4. Waltz With Bashir

5. Frozen River

Honorable mentions: The Wrestler, The Dark Knight, and Frost/Nixon (it's nomination isn't quite the travesty as The Reader or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)

Take that AAMPA. Suck it. We're here to recognize the greatest pictures of the year, not those that fit snugly into established paradigms. We realize Milk is a biopic as well and that Waltz With Bashir centers on an historical conflict. However, these films handle their subjects in far more deft and intriguing manners than Frost/Nixon or The Reader and, thusly, break past the confines of their given 'Academy-manufactured' categories.

Now if only our opinion actually mattered... But seriously, Milk is an incredible film that resonates with tragically hollow emotions as it parallels modern day in many respects. Its script is of this year's greatest, the direction, the cinematography, the depth of the various characters, and the reality of Penn's performance - all amazing. Slumdog Millionaire succeeds in terms of fitting that Hollywood epic archetype far better than Benjamin Button. Its tale of doomed love is far more compelling than Brad Pitt as an old baby. Wall-E manages to break past the parameters of its medium. Just think, an animated children's feature that manages to be so dark, so true, and so tragic - all while maintaining such charm? As if our infatuation with Pixar wasn't creepy enough already... Waltz With Bashir transcends the very tragedy of its subject matter, it handles its topic by drawing viewers into a world drawn by an entirely new form of animation. The film is so utterly compelling and so enigmatic in its meaning, allowing the audience to interpret and reason. Not too mention, the main character (a.k.a. the film's director) is as much a hapless, doomed wretch as Shakespeare's Hamlet himself, bringing all the more poignancy to the piece. Frozen River is much the same as Bashir, obviously not in topical matter but in its central character. Both are inherently ambiguous, flawed in their emotional obscurity and facing similarly demanding moral questions. The urgency of the main character's, Ray Eddy (Melissa Leo), actions rings all the more sound in these dire economic times. All grit and all raw dramatic emotion, Frozen River exists as a paragon of the powers of independent film.

So screw the Academy. These days, to regard the greatest films of the year, you have to take matters into your own hands.

P.S. If there is a God, Melissa Leo will triumph as Best Actress at the February 22nd ceremony. Too bad we're fairly atheistically oriented.